for most of my life i can always remember moments where i was striving for perfection. i have a vivid memory from when i was about 8 years old. i was at a dance recital, and i had my hair fixed into the perfect ballerina bun waiting to go on stage to perform. i remember even then, feeling knots in my stomach. i did not want to mess up the steps. in practice all the other girls would pick up the dance moves a lot faster then me. this caused my teacher to naturally push me to do the same. i kept striving to be as good as the other girls. striving to be good enough to dance along side them. looking back this was the beginning of the end of my dancing. this constant feeling of not being good enough took the fun out something i had once enjoyed. (on a lighter note it should also be known that i’m not a very good dancer, i just have fun doing it)
(these pictures are from when i loved dancing!!)
i put immense pressure on myself (and sometimes still do) to be good enough. to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good christian, a good student. i judged my success in each of these different parts of my life on a fictional “good enough” scale i created in my mind.
let me tell you it was exhausting. trying to do things in your own strength and power generally just doesn’t work out too well, friends. in the end i always found myself overstretched and ultimately failing in each area. what i didn’t get at the time was that i was attempting to pour too much of myself into different areas of my life (externally) that i wanted to improve, before I was filling my soul internally. now what does this mean? simply that i was not allowing Jesus to fill and satisfy me, so i was looking for something else, in my case perfection, to fill that void.
the voice inside your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough, it’s a liar. look at what Ephesians 1:19 says. the author is telling us that the power we have inside of us as Christians is great and immense. he even says “I pray you understand.” each time i have read this verse this part just keeps standing out to me. i think mainly because it is so applicable. many of us don’t understand that the same power that Jesus possesses lives in us. take a moment to really rest in that truth. how can you not be good enough? you have the mighty power of God inside of you.
now to be completely vulnerable and honest, lately i have began to feel like i am not good enough or qualified enough in certain areas in my life. for example, when asked to lead a Wednesday night small group at my church a few months ago i was slightly terrified. even though it was something i had a great desire and a pressing on my heart to do, i still had thoughts of doubt. immediately questioning myself on how i was to teach women who were 1. older (wiser) than me and 2. way more “spiritually mature” than me. but then, recently in this same small group (haha @ God) i discovered the verse of Hebrews 13:20-21:
“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep,equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”
did you grasp onto the part where it says He equips us with everything good for doing His will?!?! he prepares us. he makes us good enough to handle whatever situation he has called us into. how powerful! (also in case you were curious, God has allowed our small group to flourish into a setting where women can not only fellowship, but help share the burdens of this world together!!)
this verse really has nestled down deep in my soul. especially as i embrace God’s call on my life for international missions, but also as I am beginning to experience His call for me to be involved in women’s ministry. friends, both of these things scare me. but, and here is a BIG but, God has equipped me. I am good enough. I am qualified enough. I am equipped enough. I am all of these things through His power.
so what is the purpose of us being equipped? well verse 21 in Hebrews 13 tells us. it is to bring glory to Jesus. so in the end, i feel it is important for us to remember that we aren’t ultimately here for ourselves, but here to do what Jesus calls us to do. friends, i encourage you to shrug the lie off that you aren’t good enough, and embrace the truth of God’s goodness for us.
we serve not only a faithful God, but a sovereign God as well. remind yourself of that when you feel unqualified and not good enough for a task He has called you for.